I sit in my computer chair listening to the dying strains of some reality life TV show on in the background. Someone wants to marry someone while winning enough money to last a few years in this reality of materialism. I know what I should be doing: in case I forget there is a yellow piece of lined paper hanging on the wall next to me. I hear the flush of a toilet in the bathroom next door, reminding me of the lack of privacy anywhere in this thin-walled dorm.
My entire day is spent walking head up from class to class, wondering if any brave stranger will meet my eyes and return my knowing smile. No one does. Everyone is lost in their world of iPods and selfishness. Long gone are the days of friendly smiles and polite tips of the hat. None of us want to be out walking with our 20 pound backpacks on, avoiding puddles, bikes, cars, and other people but we keep chugging along like we have somewhere we want to be. Lectures are filled with technology fighting a teacher and the occasional cell phone brings a half-hearted laugh from those near the scene of the crime. Whispers compete with the clicking of computer keys as students pretend to be taking notes on facebook, updating their status to tell their friends that they “can’t wait for summer break!” or to remind themselves that they “have a paper due in 12 hours and 34 minutes.”
Across the hall lives someone I don’t even know beyond a first name basis, and even that may be pushing it. Across the dorm are friends I’ve known for too many years to ignore, yet somehow we are lucky to see each other once a week. When my roommate and I both sit at our computers with headphones permanently implanted into our ears, we go through the effort of opening up an instant message window just to say hi, or ask if the other wants to go somewhere tonight. “No, I have a huge paper due this week.” “I have an exam in 12 hours.” “I just don’t feel up to it.”
The TV turns off as an automatic timer kicks in, signaling to me that 30 minutes have passed and I still have not crawled into bed for a pre-work nap. When I get to work, I will sit in a chair and work on homework until I hear the signaling whoosh of a door opening, or a light tap on the window if I have missed that whoosh. I will look up and use a smile that usually doesn’t quite reach my eyes, and take the offered ID they hold out towards me. The ID will gain a hasty look before I swipe it through a box that may or may not work correctly the first time, but I will already be pushing the door open before the second, third, fourth swipe that will tell me what I already know. I will smile once more as I hand back that magnetic ID and I will repeat the same message that everyone gets to hear from me. No matter how quickly they are going to bed, I hope that they “Have a good night!”
I turn from that momentary human contact and retreat back into my books and papers and movies waiting for my attention, until it all repeats.
It all repeats itself.
I know exactly what you mean. It seems like all we do is study and because we all get so fed up with it when we get the chance we run away home… in turn still not socializing too much. And when it comes to summer everyone is leaving anyways. No one will be here. Even at home it’ll be empty. Half of you will be far off in other countries. All I can do is hope that senior year brings SOMETHING to this monotonous circle we call college life.
Well, in a way I guess it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who hates this stuff. It’s part of the reason I get pissed when people say they can’t do stuff because they’re studying or that they can’t wait to get home. I understand it and get pissed at myself for the same reasons but it still sucks. I think people don’t live for themselves anymore, but instead try to strive for some nonexistent future that parents and teachers jammed down our throats before we even knew how to multiply. Deadline is an interesting word when you think about it, isn’t it? Anyway I will stop ranting but it’s nice to know I’m not the only insane one sometimes
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